I'm not alone, am I? T-T

I'm not alone, I knew it, but it feels like I'm alone -_-_-_- I'm not alone, am I?

my fave photographers xD

Bonjour! :D so, mungkin beberapa dari kalian ada yang udah tau kalo gue cita cita jadi fotografer, dan hari ini gue mau nyeritain orang orang yang jadi inspirasi gue buat jadi fotografer.

1. Reza Deghati


pak reza ini seorang Philanthropist, idealist, humanist, architect and extraordinary photographer  dan gue suka banget sama karya karyanya <3.<3 pak Reza kerja di national geographic. gue mulai suka karya karyanya pas liat acara national geographic photography month, pak reza ini foto fotonya keren banget dan bercerita banyak, pak reza juga baik hati bangeett. pak reza ini foto buat kebebasan, ah, susah jelasinnya -__- pak reza ini keturunan iran-prancis, istrinya orang prancis, anak anaknya lucu lucu >.< *gapenting-_-* ini foto2 karya pak reza :D


   

   

ini favorit gue:   

 




2. Patrick Demarchelier


kalo lo suka fashion photography, pasti tau fotografer yang satu ini. yea, pak Patrick ini salah satu fashion fotografer yang dihormatin. foto fotonya keren bangeeettt xD gue mulai suka Patrick Demarchelier pas nonton americas next top model (gue nonton itu soalnya foto2nya keren, bukan karena fashion --. I don't really like fashion) so, ini foto fotonya pak patrick :-bd

                                      





3. 
oke, dia ini belum begitu terkenal, tapi foto2 nya kereeenn :D gue liat foto fotonya di fffound.com (buat para cowo jangan buka website ini, kadang ada foto yang aneh aneh-__-)  ini foto fotonya om Ja Tecson

   <<<fokusnya aneh tapi keren

    

kayanya itu dulu deh, gue masih nyari inspirasi lainnya :D bye!

I always wanna say this...

kalo mau dipeduliin, peduliin dulu orang lain, kalo mau dihargain, hargain dulu orang lain, kalo mau dingertiin, ngertiin dulu orang lain! jangan maunya cuma dipeduliin orang, dihargain orang, dingertiin orang tapi lo ga peduli, hargain, atau ngertiin orang lain!

he's... special

so, who is he? gue pertama liat dia pas pergantian tahun 2008 ke 2009, waktu itu dia baru lulus SMP. sekarang dia udah kelas 2 SMA. identitasnya gaakan ada yang gue sebut.
sejak liat dia itu, gue cuma mikir "lucu :3" terus beberapa hari kemudian ortunya kerumah gue, memperkenalkan diri dan keluarganya. ternyata dia tetangga baru gue.
pas kerumah gue itu, seinget gue dia gaikut, ortunya bilang lagi apaa gitu, gue ga inget jelas.

besok paginya mami bilang "mel, tetangga sebelah lumayan tuh, lucu" dan gue cuma "he? -__- nggak ah, paling udah dikecengin sama mbak sri --." dan *wuuusshh* gue ngilang ke dalem rumah. beberapa hari kemudian gue sekeluarga ngumpul nata ulang taman depan, terus ada papahnya minjem obeng atau apalah gue lupa, terus gue pinjemin, gue liat dia sedikit. bener, lucu :3

gue liat dia hampir setiap hari, dia main gitar di depan rumahnya dari jam 4 sampe maghrib. tapi cuma berlangsung selama 2 minggu. waktu itu gue udah mulai ngeceng :3 setelah itu gue jarang banget liat dia, padahal kita tetanggaan, sebelahan malah.

yasudah jadilah gue ngeceng dari fb dan sms-sms yang menurut gue agak bodoh dan mengganggu, maaf ya kak ._.v -__- selama sekitar 1 tahun gue berusaha deket sama dia dan akhirnya sekarang temenan. yea right, te men, seperti biasanya. dan dia pindah rumah. gue sedih, tapi masih kuat ngeceng. toh gaakan ada bedanya, dia disitu aja gue jarang liat dia. mungkin gaakan ada perubahan yang berarti. tapi ternyata gue salah, gue lebih lemah dari yang gue sangka -___- nyebelin

gue movin' on dengan mudah, cari kecengan lain. waktu itu akhir november, gue capek, nyerah.
lalu, tahun baru 2010 gue udah nggak kepikiran dia sama sekali.

semuanya berubah tanggal 5 Januari, gue sekeluarga ketemu dia dan keluarganya di ciwalk, sama sama mau nonton. dia beda, ga kaya di foto fb nya. gue ngeceng lagi soalnya dia baik banget.
gue inget jelas apa yang dia bilang waktu kita ketemu
"amel, apakabar mel? met taun baru ya" gue cuma jabat tangannya tanpa ngomong apa apa, malu, speechless.
keluarga kita ngobrol selama 30 detik di depan treehouse cafe, terus mereka pergi. ada yang aneh. gue suka dia. lagi.

sampai sekitar 9 bulan kemudian gue ngeceng dia, ga se-lebe sebelumnya, tapi nyerah lagi gara2 dia udah punya cewe yang cantik dan baik banget. gue mundur dengan ikhlas.

dan tanggal 28 kemaren, gue ngeceng dia lagi. setelah capek ngeceng kecengan yang lama (gue cuma 3 bulan ngeceng dia --.) gue ketemu dia lagi tanggal 28 desember 2010 kemaren pas gue nganter adik gue nginep di rumah adiknya yang lagi ultah, sebenernya gue ga begitu sering liat dia, cuma pernah ketemu dia di jalan 2 kali, tapi gue ngerasa kemaren itu yg paling jelas :O

ketemu dia malem malem, ga begitu jelas dan cuma 3 menit, di depan rumahnya dia nunduk, pas dia lewat rumah gue, gue yang nunduk (bodoh!) ketemu di jalan dia pake helm dan ga lebih dari 1 menit, kalo kemaren,  hahaha beda :O

gue masuk rumah dia dengan agak takut, malu, takut jadi kambing conge, takut keliatan jelek, kerudung yg gue pake berantakan, ada rambut yang keluar, sejuta pikiran negatif muncul di kepala gue. gimana kalo dia benci gue gara gara waktu itu? tiiddaaakk!! :O

tapi ternyata fine fine aja. pas gue nyampe, gue ngekorin mamanya melulu :)) terus duduk di samping ruangan (agak ngalangin jalan -_-) terus temen2 nya pulang dan dia ngambil gitar. feeling gue ga enak, dia ngasih gitar itu ke gue. mampus! mau mainin apaan? misguided ghosts? -___-" bzzzzzz dia bilang "nyanyi dong mel" yang langsung didukung sama mamanya "eh? nyanyi? engga deh ka.." "yaudah, main gitar dong"
gue ambil gitarnya, ragu ragu. gitar klasik warna item, ini gitar yang dia mainin di depan rumahnya tahun lalu.
gue main semua yang vicky ajarin, tangan gue gemeteran, muka gue panas, dia senyum, gue melting.
terus kita ngobrol dikit, ngomongin ttg gitar, dan lagu2 paramore, dia ngambil gitar yang satunya (22nya gitar klasik) dan mainin. "tadi gimana mel? gini? gini? oh ini jadi gini, eh, gini ya? gini bukan sih?" gue ga ngomong apa apa, cuma "iya, he eh, gini *ngulangin agak pelan* iya gitu" dia juga nunjukin cara latihan yang ga susah, gue udah tau itu dari vicky. terus dia mainin lagu jazz pake gitarnya, keren, no doubt. dia bilang "kalo jazz gini, kalo blues gini, beda kan?" "hem oh iya beda" muka gue cerah :)) speechless.

terus dia pindah duduk di sofa, di sebelah gitar elektrik nya. guess what? dia main beberapa lagu, Ignorance, gue udah hafal lagu itu diluar kepala, bosen malah, tapi karena dia yang main, gue melting :)) habis itu dia main pressure, almost perfectly. terus brick by boring brick dari awal sampe akhir <3.<3

lagu yang dia mainin sesudahnya bikin gue nahan nafas, dan langsung galau. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. gue langsung inget sama kejadian tanggal 21, terus dia mainin decode, terus dia bilang "apalagi yah? udah cuma itu lagu paramore yang kaka tau" dan lanjutin main beberapa lagu yang gue gatau.
dia nanya "tau lagu ini ga?" lagu yang kedengeran familier tapi gatau judulnya, terus dia main canon rock. habis itu adzan, gue solat. di kamar mandinya gue ngaca, mendingan pake kerudung, rapi. dan gue berniat pake kerudung seterusnya ke acara2 nonformal.

terus gue minta dijemput tapi mami ga dateng2, jadilah gue bengong. dia di dalem kamar, entah lagi apa, gue gamau tau -_-beberapa kali gue disuruh makan dan minum (bikin sendiri, they wants me to make myself at home) tapi gue ngga mau makan atau minum, udah kenyang sama yang lain :3 #eh

pas isya gue pulang, ibu gue jemput di gang, jadi harus jalan dikit. damn! hujan, gue ngerasa kaya cinderella, hujan2 lari lari (salah jalan lagi, koplak!) yasudah -_-

nyampe rumah gue seneng banget. sekaligus sedih. tadi bisa jadi itu terakhir kalinya gue ketemu dia untuk beberapa bulan ke depan. yasudah gapapa. gue ngeceng dia lagi, ngeceng jarak jauh.

dia dikelilingin banyak cewe karena dia seneng berteman, dia baik banget. gue cuma bisa suka sama dia dari jauh, gue pengen dia seneng, dia pasti seneng dikelilingin sahabat sahabat nya yang baik baik banget.
oke gue bakalan berusaha buat ga begitu peduli sama (kalo ada) rasa sakit yang gue rasain.


eh, wait a minute. he wants me to ignore my feeling. oh! of course, he told me to do hat 'cause he's AN EXPERT AT IT -___- bye!

I'm on my way to forgetting :D

bonjour u,u I wanna ask you something. if you love someone, and he BREAK YOUR HEART. what will you do? taylor swift said "there's nothing better than revenge" tapi gue gamau buang2 waktu ngerencanain revenge, gue juga gamau nyari musuh, lagipula gue bukan siapa siapanya dia. so I guess the best way is forget that someone who has been VERY VERY VERY special :3 it's not gonna be easy, for sure. but... I'll start from the smalest thing.

• delete all the "saved messages" in your phone, no matter how PRECIOUS that message was.
• confince myself that he doesn't love you, I'm just a friend. a friend who loves him -__- no! forget that I love him, forget every thing!
• try to find another "somebody to love" like... Irfan Bachdim! xD
• delete all songs that reminds me about him. in this case, I have to delete almost every paramore songs -__- and 30 seconds to mars. no, I won't delete all the memories in music, even if it leaves another scar. music is everything for me, I'll keep playin' my guitar.
• go find carlisle cullen! or Aro Volturi, or Jane volturi. why? ask carlisle or Aro to change me to a vampire. jane? ask her to torture me (?) I really want to be a vampire, get another life, and leave EVERYTHING behind. run away from all of my problems. get a second life.

ergh, gue kedengeran cengeng, menyebalkan! -__- udah ah saya mau mulai nyari Aro, ingin berubah jadi vampir, punya "gift" kaya jane, terus gabung sama The Volturi Coven xD buhbye!
I AM SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY :|

so close lyrics

oke, saya habis nonton enchanted buat ke 3 kalinya di disney channel (soalnya gaada tontonan lain)
dan saya baru nyadar kalo soundtrack nya yang "so close" dalem :)) dan cocok banget buat yang baru jadian (okegausahpercayangarangbanget)

You're in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by

Romantic dreams must die

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I want is to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy ending

Almost believing this one's not pretend

And now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We're so close

To reaching that famous happy ending

Almost believing this one's not pretend

Let's go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

So close

And still so far

I won't give up :D

bonjour :D hi guys, how's your day? maybe it's great 'cause you just broke a girl's heart or somethin' :))
well, how's mine? it was great :D

well, not so great actually --. now I'm feeling some kind of pain inside my heart and a big nerve about tomorrow -_- what makes me feel this pain? idk, all I know is that... it feels sucks -_-

oh, I had some quotes from the twilight saga :D

“Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you.” – Edward Cullen, eclipse




“If there were any way for me to become human for you-no matter what the price was, I would pay it.”- Edward Cullen PG.273
Edward: “If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?”
Bella: “Edward, I know who I can’t live without.”
Edward: “But…”
Bella: I shook my head. “You don’t understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that’s what’s best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It’s the only way I can live.” PG. 610, eclipse
“The right thing isn’t always real obvious. Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else. So…good luck figuring that out.”
   — Charlie Swan eclipse



I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can’t make your body move fast enough.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Preface, p.1
As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late—and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Preface, p.2



I didn’t have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere—know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I’d bet. The voice I’d walk through fire for—or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for. Edward.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.4



I couldn’t feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.7


What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn’t look like such a terrible thing—not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.10


As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.16


Do you think I’ll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.16


No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.20


Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm — into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.29


Tell me you forgive me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.44


He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn’t reach his eyes.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.67

I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.67

Where you are is the right place for me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69

You’re the very best part of my life.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69

I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you—it’s yours already!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69

You… don’t… want me?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69


With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over. Love, life, meaning… over.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.73

The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.84

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.93

I didn’t know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn’t work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth—if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.96


I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony. But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn’t seen that one coming.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.106


In the instant that I heard his voice, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. I was more aware of everything—sight, sound, the feel of the cold air that I hadn’t noticed was blowing sharply against my face, the smells coming from the open bar door.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.111

Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman’s term for people who heard voices in their heads. Possible.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.112

I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The tradeoff was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I’d chosen nothing.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.113


Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.117

It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.118

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what to expect in the morning.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.119

I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn’t remember how I’d managed it before.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.123

I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now—if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it—I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.124

As if he’d never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he’d made it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.125

It’s not like you’ll never see me again. I promise I’ll be back again soon—so much you’ll get sick of me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.132


Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.168


I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I’d already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.182

If I move my foot, I will fall over.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.183


Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.192


The hole came back, the way it always did when I was away from Jacob, but it didn’t throb so badly around the edges.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.193


Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.214


I waited for the memory to hit—to open the gaping hole. But, as it so often did, Jacob’s presence kept me whole.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.214


I needed him too much, and I was selfish.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.217






He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.219


His name burst through all the walls I’d built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn’t matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.242


Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.304




segitu dulu ya, makin banyak saya baca quotes2 ini malah makin nyesek -_- dadah


oh, terakhir: "it's like a huge hole has punched in my chest, and it throb so badly around the edges" bella swan, after edward left her :')


Maybe part of loving is learning to let go.  ~From the television show The Wonder Years :')




bye! :D